OUR SCHOOL WENT ON A TRIP TO TO THE ZOO TODAY AND HAD TO STOP THE BUS BECAUSE SOMEONE SNEAKED A FREAKING PENGUIN ONTO THE BUS OMG MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER WAS CRYING WHEN SHE TOLD US OMG I ACTUALLY DIED
YOU GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND OUR SCHOOL IS ACTUALLY BANNED FROM AN ACTUAL ZOO BECAUSE SOMEONE DECIDED TO TRY AND STEAL AN ACTUAL REAL LIVING PENGUIN AND TAKE IT HOME
don’t call me beautiful
i don’t care
call me intelligent
tell me my laugh is contagious;
that i made you smile
tell me i have something to offer
1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring.
If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.
1) The day my sister got back from the hospital after a suicide attempt. I didnt let go for about an hour.
2) Kid just found out his brother was shot and killed.
3) A Russian war veteran kneels beside the tank he spent the war in, now a monument.
4) Man sobbing at animal shelter. After being jailed briefly and his dog Buzz Lightyear impounded he couldn’t afford the $400 to get his pet back.
5) A firefighter gives water to a koala during the devastating Black Saturday bushfires that burned across Victoria, Australia, in 2009.
6) Alcoholic father with his son
7) Robert Peraza pauses at his son’s name on the 9/11 Memorial during the tenth anniversary ceremonies at the site of the World Trade Center.
8) Greg Cook hugs his dog Coco after finding her inside his destroyed home in Alabama following the Tornado in March, 2012
9) After two double lung transplants and years of battling cystic fibrosis, my good friend passed away last Saturday. This was one of the last pics taken with his mother.